Hamra Byah Toh Se Hoi

What images does the word ‘adventure’ bring to your mind? Paragliding? Bungee Jumping? Rock Climbing? Trekking? Jungle Safari? Wild River Rafting?

Well, all right. For me, ‘Hamra Byah Toh Se Hoi’ was also an adventure.

MBA results were out and joblessness reigned. Someone suggested in jest “We are so bored, even Bhojpuri movies would be entertainment!” I picked up the sound-byte. I thought the idea had merit. In the past, I’ve enjoyed many of Mithunda’s past-prime movies like ‘Gunda’, ‘Suraj’, ‘Jallad’ etc. Discerning readers would understand what I’m referring to here – a neatly perfected art of unintended humor. I’m told that many south Indian flicks starring Rajni anna are equally entertaining. If Mithun can kill two villains with one bullet by halving the bullet, Rajni can race electricity to prevent his mother from being electrocuted! Who needs Superman in India?

I moved the motion convincingly, and it was promptly passed by the house through voice vote.

We had seen posters claiming ‘Hamra Byah Toh Se Hoi’ as the latest Bhojpuri rage. But, there were no listings available on popular media. Someone revisited one such poster to find show timings and the display theatre. Navrang Cinema it was, Andheri (W). My residence wasn’t far away from the venue, so the responsibility was mine to book tickets.

I reached half an hour earlier. The dilapidated structure looked interesting, actually quite a change from the swanky multiplexes we frequent. As one entered the compound, my eyes turned yellow. There was a parking lot for three-wheelers! At least thirty to thirty five auto-rickshaws were parked in discipline. It didn’t take me time to reinforce ‘Target Audience’ for such cinema. The bright yellow-black combination emanating from that area still hurts my eyes!

Next, my eyes fell on the seemingly regular patrons of the theatre, a motley crowd comprising largely of the male species. Most of them were perched, as if relieving themselves on Indian style latrines, on a very thin parapet. The rest stood smoking ‘beedis’, ogling at the posters depicting revealing postures of heroines in upcoming films. They were waiting eagerly for the ‘current’ ticket counter to open.

“STALLS: Rs. 20 Only; BALCONY: Rs. 25 Only; BOX: Rs. 40 Only”

“What premium charge for ‘balcony’!” I wondered and smiled. Much that I knew about the difference in the three segregations, I still opted for ‘balcony’. The biggest motivation was that the counter for ‘balcony/box’ was a separate one. A large queue could be avoided.

The noon show ended at 14:45 hours. A sizeable crowd made its way out, went to the parking lot and drove out in their auto-rickshaws! I gazed at this event, bedazzled. The ‘stall’ counter had opened. A serpentine queue had already resulted. I turned to find that the ‘balcony’ counter hadn’t yet opened and not a single soul stood in the queue there. As I stood at the counter waiting, the watchman came up to me, perhaps in sympathy to my cause. He said “Lagta hai aap pehli baar aaye ho. Balcony ka ticket bhi stall ke counter par hi milega.” I felt like a fool and asked angrily “Aisa kyun?” This perhaps put off the watchman. He twitched his eyebrows and said “Yahaan aisa hi hota hai! Bhalaai ka zamaana hi nahin hai!”

I waited with tickets outside the gate waiting for the rest of the gang. As the show timing grew closer, people slowly poured in from all directions. Auto-rickshaws, public bus, bicycles, on-foot – they came in hordes. An ‘Opel-Astra’ pulled in too. I was pleasantly shocked. Seconds later, the chauffeur walked in, after parking the car. At last the gang arrived.

On entering the relatively empty ‘balcony’, we found most people with their legs placed comfortably stretched on the seats in front. We sat in a virgin row. We had missed a good ten minutes. The seats were rickety, the projector was feeble and the sound system was equally outstanding. As and when the projection blinked into temporary darkness, the ‘stalls’ would erupt in protest.

The story line was that of the age old ‘Thakur and Peasant enmity’. We had not even sat down properly when a song greeted us. As the innovative story line unfolded, we started enjoying ourselves. We couldn’t stop laughing at even the tear-jerker scenes! It was hilarious stuff! Carefully detailed characters came to light as the story unfolded further. There was Thakur Kali Singh, the main villain. Dressed in Gabbar Singh type army fatigues, he usurped the property of the nicer Thakur, of course with generous help from the vamp. The vamp had the central dialogue of the film “Mar jaibe ladoo khaike”, which she uttered umpteen times. It was time for another song.

Then there was the aggrieved peasant family of three brothers - no prizes for guessing that the youngest was the hero. Another song erupted. He studied in a city university, captained the university cricket team, was well built, well mannered, girls swooned over him – overall endowed with all humanly desirable qualities. Of his female fan following, one was a desperate mini-skirt clad bimbo. She was the villain’s younger sister, thereby highlighting a deliberate attempt by the script-writer to complete the loop. Yet another song happened. But, the hero’s heart was always with the traditionally dressed girl in his village. One more song – but this time it caught our attention. The lyrics went “Maanga tha chumma, mila chocolatiya”. We went berserk. Obviously, the bimbo wouldn’t like this, right? It was another song time, this time featuring the bimbo hitting on our dude. The hero burst into a song “Cycle se dhakka nahin maar, shahar ki chori”! Good lord, this was too much. We laughed our guts off. We promptly left thereafter, not risking a very probable headache/tummy ache. So, for readers who expected me to complete the storyline, I beg forgiveness. But I’m sure they can themselves tie up the loose ends.

The piece wasn’t aimed at ridiculing this emerging film segment. Neither was it aimed at ridiculing the patrons of this segment. What moved me to document this incident was the realization that there is no one India. Religions, states and languages apart, there are so many Indias concurrently living within India. Mind you, all of them are alive and kicking within this complex diversity. This is despite the fact that they seem to belong to different eras in mind-set. Their tastes differ, needs differ and so does their consumption behavior. India Inc. has woken up to this reality rather late. New products are being developed and new services are being offered and tailored. No wonder that an entirely new film industry has been created with pure commercial motive and has met with commercial success. Just read somewhere that Amitabh Bachhan, Ajay Devgan and other mainstream stars are also taking the plunge.

Somewhere into the movie, I accused myself of being pompous of my social strata to be mocking at what was a serious entertainment source for others. But, just the next scene again made me roll with laughter. I can’t remember when I last had so much value for the money spent on a film ticket!!! ‘Hamra Byah Toh Se Hoi’ was unadulterated fun – an adventure worth undertaking.